Canada's Secret Weapon
by natcat5
Summary: The day before the Fourth of July, Canada gets pushed a little too far and...well...interesting things occur. *cough*beaver*cough*


**My second Hetalia fanfic, and my first starring Canada! I'm glad I get to right about my home country! It's too bad I didn't have this idea on Canada Day, but I'll post it as a sort of….warning to any overly rowdy Americans ;p **

**Canada's Secret Weapon **

Canada grimaced as he was jostled by two drunk guys happily belting out the Pledge of Allegiance to the tune of 'Poker Face'. A topless girl was dancing around the top of the bar, the only thing covering her upper torso long strips of red, white and blue paint. All around the establishments people were happily singing 'God Bless America!' and genrally being exceptionally happy about the Fourth of July being tomorrow.

That's right, the Fourth of July hadn't even _come _yet.

Damn Americans.

Canada was here early because America had asked him to help him set up the giant house party he was throwing for himself at his mansion in Arizona, all nations invited. Canada had agreed, as he usually did when it came to America asking him things.

Never mind, that he, _Canada _hadn't had a party for his birthday, three days ago. Oh no, he'd just had a small get together with himself and the few nations that remembered his existence. South Korea had been the first to arrive, bringing with him pickled vegetables and plenty of enthusiasm. The little Asian nation was quite fond of Canada, and Canada enjoyed having such a happy nation to be his friend. South Korea really was a welcoming sight on those days when being constantly forgotten really got to him. Cuba had come next, a tub of ice cream in his arms, apologizing for being late. He'd then proceeded to ask what the hell America was doing at Canada's party, but both Canada and South Korea had managed to set him straight before the blonde had sustained any permanent damage. Next came Prussia, giving Canada a 'manly' hug and asking where the maple syrup was at. Canada had the sneaking suspicion that the red-eyed man had a crush on him, but he didn't want to jump to conclusions, and besides, he was sort of taken. And his girlfriend had been the next to arrive. Holland, her arms full of tulips, had flown into Canada's arms, causing them both to giggle as they gave butterfly kisses and snuggled. Canada didn't get to see Holland often, and just her being there was the best birthday gift ever. It was even worth hearing France's lewd comments, as the romantic nation had arrived with Holland and was standing in the doorway watching the proceedings with a perverted grin.

Canada's birthday had been nice, even if England forgot about it (the island nation had left a voicemail the next day saying he had been swamped with work, but Canada knew that he'd forgotten), and America stopped by after the party to wish Canada a quick happy birthday and then quickly ask if the nation could come over and help organize for the fourth of July…

Ah…America….

Canada kinda wished that his brother could have come for the party, but he knew that starting from the middle of June to July the 4th, all America had on his mind was Independence Day. Canada generally got a make-up party thrown by his brother the week following. He was used to it, and he didn't really mind.

What he _did _mind was being sandwiched in between raucous Americans after being dragged to a bar because his brother wanted to 'poll the people and see what they wanted at the celebrations.'

Why he was doing this the _day before _when there was no hope of planning, Canada didn't know. Why he was going to poll a bunch of drunk teens and college students, Canada didn't know. Why did Canada have to come? Well, that was the million dollar question wasn't it?

"Oh say can you _seeeee! _By the dawn's _hic! _By the dawn's _hic!_ H-hey man, what comes next?"

Canada grimaced as he caught the full blast of the drunk American next to him's beer breath.

"I don't know," he muttered, wishing he could have brought Kumajirou with him to scare away these imbeciles.

"You don't _know!" _exclaimed the man in horror. "How can you not know America's national anthem!"

Canada sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm Canadian, that's how."

The drunk man gaped. "Y-you're Canadian? L-like lumberjacks and shit?"

Canada resisted the urge to groan. Oh god, not the stereotypes. Anything but the stereotypes! "So man, you like, must be a Mountie or something!" said the man excitedly. "No way! I'm sitting next to a Mountie!"

_Take me now…_

"Mr. Canadian! Mr. Canuck!"

_America…where did you go? Rescue me from your stoned citizen dammit! _

By this time, the drunk man had gotten a bit of a gathering of laughing, drunk men, all excited to join in and make fun of the Canadian.

"H-hey man," said the man poking Canada teasingly, "Where's your pet beaver?"

And that was when Canada snapped.

"Right here!" he spat, pulling a beaver from under the bar and placing it on the counter squarely in front of the drunk man.

Silence.

Canada grinned, the grin that he generally reserved for hockey matches. Then he whispered one word.

"Attack."

And the man's screams echoed throughout the bar.

Where did Canada get the beaver from?

The same place all Canadians keep their attack beavers when they're not in use!

**Yeah, the entire fanfic was just a build up to the beaver attack. **

**I hope I didn't offend anyone with the Americans. The popular opinion here in Canada is that Americans around the fourth of the July are the same as Canadians during an important hockey game (we don't get like that during Canada day. Just on hockey days. And on hockey days...h'oh shit. We go _wild._) **

**Also, I love Canada/Holland as a couple. Tulipshipping FTW! ;3**

**This rhetarded piece was inspired by a Molson Canadian commercial. Oh, how I love those commercials. I thing they are the only things that actually make me truly proud of being a Canadian. You guys should all go youtube the 'I am Canadian' rant. It's beast. :3 **

**http:/ www ****. youtube . com/**** watch? v= bpj1zgyfScM **

**The 'beaver attack' commercial. Just take out the spaces. **

**xoxo, natcat5 ;p **


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